It’s 6.30 am. I’m not in the slightest tired. The rock in my stomach is keeping me up.

Hi followers and rebloggers =]

Now I know I might seem like a happy-go-lucky, woop woop kinda guy… Well that’s cause I am. But it didn’t come easy, and it’s only come in the last few months.
You won’t know this but over a year ago I was dumped outta a 3 year relationship and for a year after that moment I was drinking myself to black outs, playing with drugs and falling apart every single day.

After over a year of dealing with what that BITCH did to me I’m finally happy. I still have my health (thank fuck, cause my liver is mush), I still have my friends who I love and would do anything for me, my family, same deal with my friends and my video games. The worlds I escape in, the worlds I WIN in.

As it’s taken a year to get over things, it’s taken me a year to realize I’m single. And that’s been fucking awful. One thing I will say about the BITCH, is that she didn’t mind I was a nerd, she loved it even, but she soon didn’t, she became like EVERY OTHER GIRL. No girls like nerds, especially the girls I crush on, the ones I Like, the ones who make me smile for no fucking reason… THEY. DON’T. LIKE . NERDS.

They assume, anyone who spends more than an hour, two tops, on video games is a no go for them.

I don’t get it. I’m a NICE GUY. I’m respectable, I’m kind, I’m considerate, and I don’t want to toot my own horn but a HELL OF A CHEF. Just because I spend a lot of my time playing video games and being a nerd doesn’t mean I’m a cave dweller. I love getting out in the sunshine. I play [American] Football. I go jogging. I play guitar. I’m writing a few screen plays. And, I’m gonna say it, I’m a FUCKING AMAZING SHAG (not my words, those of every woman I’ve been ‘fortunate’ with) and I would make a HELL OF A GOOD BOYFRIEND. But nope. When the ladies see my ‘Lego Star Wars T-shirt’ they be like:

But there is the odd chance when a girl I like might show some interest, then I realize, “This is the first time I’ve been properly single in my entire life! WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO!?!?!?”.
Casual facebook conversations make me shake. The prospect of being in the same room as them makes me wanna hide under my covers. And the idea of a date with them spawns a huge jagged rock in my stomach the size of Europe.

You know. I asked someone out for a date. I’m tempted to send another message saying “Scratch that, don’t worry, I don’t know what I was saying. Don’t worry.” Because it would be much easier to do that than have to have to deal with the inevitable rejection or easier to make her forget my crush (but seeing that it’s been about 3 weeks of this, maaaaybe more than a crush…. UGH I FEEL 16 AGAIN!!! FFFFFFFFFU-) and I can just do this:

You know the worst thing though? I feel like a fucking child again. When I was 15, crushing on girls I could never get. I’m 21 in 2 months and 2 fucking days! I’m a fully grown man and I’m acting like a kid! What the fuck is wrong with me. You know how people my age get together? As far as I know people don’t ‘date’ anymore and just hook up at parties and night clubs and decide to fornicate on a regular basis after that but hey, I’m old school hip hop so i still ‘date’… And that must make me absolutely revolting to every woman…

Now don’t get me wrong by this rant; I’ve drank a pint of Gin and some whiskey and I’m angry and I feel like a kid BUT I still love my life. I have friends who I just, god I love them to bits, more than I could any woman. My family are there for me always and I got my hobbies, writing, video games, football, guitar. If I don’t ‘get’ this girl, life will go on, no fucking worries, I’ll get to where I want to be… But there will always be one thing that will get me down.

Not having a girl mutually like me.
Because I’m not the smartest guy in the world, because I’m [BY FUCKING FAR] not the best looking guy, because I’m not chiseled, not trendy, not got good taste in films or music. Because I play video games… I’ll never have a girl like me. And that bums me out…

But you know what?
I put on some Reggae. I have a cigarette and I play some Halo with my bros. Then I think, “You can’t have it all dude. But don’t worry, what you’ll lack in a girlfriend, you’ll make up in friends. You’ll make up in a great life you’ll make for yourself… And everything will be okay”. Then I feel good after that.

…
You know what. I won’t tell that girl, “Never mind that date thingy. I’m an idiot. Let’s not go out. etc etc.”

If she says yes, then KICK ASS. If she says no… Well Tomorrow is just another day =]. Or should I say today…. Shit, it’s 7.20 a.m.! Haha. Maybe I can sleep now that I feel a bit better about rejection… Or just play more Halo.

Thank for reading this crap.
Back to nice cheery Nerdcore now =]