There’s a million and one things going off in my mind

90% of them centred around one person.

I know its hopeless to hope that she’ll email me or text or call or even show up just to make sure I’m okay, but I still do.

God I feel exausted. I haven’t slept in a year and a half… I havn’t slept since she left me.

“You’ll find someone else.” I won’t. I’m damaged goods. And besides, if Lottie didn;t want me, if Lottie thought it was better for me to just rot away and die, why wouldn’t anyone else.

Sometimes I wish I fought for her a little bit more, rather than just giving up, telling her to find someone else to be with… I hope she doesn’t turn into a slut, fucking anything… Please, oh God please don’t do that.

I think I’m gonna throw up.

I need to go back to Devizes soon. Face my demons. I always write better when I’m in the town I fell in love in. The town that killed me. For now, I need to throw up. The thought of Lottie kissing another guy is making me