To Liam Neeson:

If you are looking to woo Amanda Seyfried, I can tell you I don’t have money or resources to stop you. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills that have Oscar winning potential; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let me have a chance with her, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you [okay, that’s a bit extreme… Look if you ask me for a role in one of my films I’ll turn you down].

Faithfully,

Dwayne Preboye [Future Oscar winning director and writer]