I wake up

And for some reason, I feel an immediate distaste for EVERYONE.

I feel the jealousy I had for everyone when I was a kid.

I’m asking myself, “Why the fuck am I still ugly at 21?!? I was meant to grow out of this and look good like everyone else by now!!”

Then I ask, “Where is she? I swear she was here a minute ago.” Disorientated from my dreams…

I just want a pill that numbs me. Makes me forget about the feels. I forgot about her, I don’t even remember her voice, but I remember how good she used to make me feel and then how bad, how very fucking destructively bad, she made me feel.

I need a pill. Something with codeine in it. I might ask my friend next time I get paid. I need some drugs for this. For that blond, scouse, angel, bitch shaped hole in my chest.

I’m probably still drunk from last night. I need to smoke and go back to sleep…