Ever since ‘rediscovering’ myself, when I go to the cinema [not counting the last 2 times, I don’t think going with people you LIVE WITH counts] my life is CONSTANTLY THIS:
But I try and be social and reach out with facebook statuses to people I actually know: The result of the can be seen in fig 1.1
Me: Hey guys I actually know. Wanna go to the Cinema on Friday to see Prometheus?
Facebook: … … … … … …
It would seem that people who actually know me really don’t care about me at all. Maybe it’s the video games and Star Wars. It’s like a cancer to people who want to be ‘socially accepted’ [what does that even mean today?!?!].
But Tumblr… Well. Just look to fig 2.1
Me: Hey guys I’ve never met. Wanna go to the Cinema on Friday to see Prometheus?
Tumblr: OMG YEAH!
Tumblr: I’ll have to get a plane to come see it with you but I’m game.
Tumblr: What a Promithingy? Meh, I don’t care, I just wanna hang out with my buddy!
Now this may be a little bias, but I’m pretty sure 90% of my facebook don’t give a shit about me, furthermore I will be keeping an eye to see if anyone else more ‘popular’ would make the same request. I’m expecting he/ she would be inundated with countless replies and yeses. And before anything about this is said [“Oh you’re being negitive again Dwayne” Yadda yadda yadda] this has happened before…
The Avengers. One person asked if people wanted to see, everyone clambered over each other to see it with them, after a few minutes of the status update [I might add]. I make the same request to my friends and after waiting for a few hours, no replies and some lonely geek goes to sit in the cinema on his own… [I still enjoyed it though!]
I wish the person who called me cute last night didn’t anon… Made me feel pretty special.
That’s a privilege I can’t afford these days…
Ah well. I’ll probably enjoy it so much I’ll forget how socially awkward it is to be forcibly forever alone… I am very jealous of everyone else’s life. I won’t go as far as say I hate mines, but I hate that I don’t have theirs…
And I’m partially blaming my ex for this…
Forever alone. Cheers Buns.
[EDIT] I’ll be trying the same ‘experiment’ with The Dark Knight Rises… I’m pretty sure the same thing’ll happen… And people sometimes ask me, “Why do you miss someone who hurt you so badly?”
Cause I’ve got no one else to miss… Or go to the movies with…
Hi followers and rebloggers =]
Now I know I might seem like a happy-go-lucky, woop woop kinda guy… Well that’s cause I am. But it didn’t come easy, and it’s only come in the last few months.
You won’t know this but over a year ago I was dumped outta a 3 year relationship and for a year after that moment I was drinking myself to black outs, playing with drugs and falling apart every single day.
After over a year of dealing with what that BITCH did to me I’m finally happy. I still have my health (thank fuck, cause my liver is mush), I still have my friends who I love and would do anything for me, my family, same deal with my friends and my video games. The worlds I escape in, the worlds I WIN in.
As it’s taken a year to get over things, it’s taken me a year to realize I’m single. And that’s been fucking awful. One thing I will say about the BITCH, is that she didn’t mind I was a nerd, she loved it even, but she soon didn’t, she became like EVERY OTHER GIRL. No girls like nerds, especially the girls I crush on, the ones I Like, the ones who make me smile for no fucking reason… THEY. DON’T. LIKE . NERDS.
They assume, anyone who spends more than an hour, two tops, on video games is a no go for them.
I don’t get it. I’m a NICE GUY. I’m respectable, I’m kind, I’m considerate, and I don’t want to toot my own horn but a HELL OF A CHEF. Just because I spend a lot of my time playing video games and being a nerd doesn’t mean I’m a cave dweller. I love getting out in the sunshine. I play [American] Football. I go jogging. I play guitar. I’m writing a few screen plays. And, I’m gonna say it, I’m a FUCKING AMAZING SHAG (not my words, those of every woman I’ve been ‘fortunate’ with) and I would make a HELL OF A GOOD BOYFRIEND. But nope. When the ladies see my ‘Lego Star Wars T-shirt’ they be like:
But there is the odd chance when a girl I like might show some interest, then I realize, “This is the first time I’ve been properly single in my entire life! WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO!?!?!?”.
Casual facebook conversations make me shake. The prospect of being in the same room as them makes me wanna hide under my covers. And the idea of a date with them spawns a huge jagged rock in my stomach the size of Europe.
You know. I asked someone out for a date. I’m tempted to send another message saying “Scratch that, don’t worry, I don’t know what I was saying. Don’t worry.” Because it would be much easier to do that than have to have to deal with the inevitable rejection or easier to make her forget my crush (but seeing that it’s been about 3 weeks of this, maaaaybe more than a crush…. UGH I FEEL 16 AGAIN!!! FFFFFFFFFU-) and I can just do this:
You know the worst thing though? I feel like a fucking child again. When I was 15, crushing on girls I could never get. I’m 21 in 2 months and 2 fucking days! I’m a fully grown man and I’m acting like a kid! What the fuck is wrong with me. You know how people my age get together? As far as I know people don’t ‘date’ anymore and just hook up at parties and night clubs and decide to fornicate on a regular basis after that but hey, I’m old school hip hop so i still ‘date’… And that must make me absolutely revolting to every woman…
Now don’t get me wrong by this rant; I’ve drank a pint of Gin and some whiskey and I’m angry and I feel like a kid BUT I still love my life. I have friends who I just, god I love them to bits, more than I could any woman. My family are there for me always and I got my hobbies, writing, video games, football, guitar. If I don’t ‘get’ this girl, life will go on, no fucking worries, I’ll get to where I want to be… But there will always be one thing that will get me down.
Not having a girl mutually like me.
Because I’m not the smartest guy in the world, because I’m [BY FUCKING FAR] not the best looking guy, because I’m not chiseled, not trendy, not got good taste in films or music. Because I play video games… I’ll never have a girl like me. And that bums me out…
But you know what?
I put on some Reggae. I have a cigarette and I play some Halo with my bros. Then I think, “You can’t have it all dude. But don’t worry, what you’ll lack in a girlfriend, you’ll make up in friends. You’ll make up in a great life you’ll make for yourself… And everything will be okay”. Then I feel good after that.
You know what. I won’t tell that girl, “Never mind that date thingy. I’m an idiot. Let’s not go out. etc etc.”
If she says yes, then KICK ASS. If she says no… Well Tomorrow is just another day =]. Or should I say today…. Shit, it’s 7.20 a.m.! Haha. Maybe I can sleep now that I feel a bit better about rejection… Or just play more Halo.
Thank for reading this crap.
Back to nice cheery Nerdcore now =]